Subject: Barefoot Dating
[In response to an SBL member’s question: “I was wondering if anyone has had a hard time finding that special someone that is OK with barefoot lifestyle,” DG responded:]
I met my wife through a mutual friend. We had several phone conversations, where I did mention that I was usually barefoot away from work. She had no objections, but I could tell she didn’t plan to participate in going shoe less with me everywhere. I was barefoot when we met, again no objections, but she kept her sandals on.
Fast forwarding a few months, I knew I had found the one, we had so much in common. Our life goals, religious views, lifestyles, dreams and desires mirror each others, and she was the perfect match…almost. She is not barefoot very much away from home. She has no problems with me being barefoot, but the few times she is barefoot with me, she says her feet hurt from rough surfaces. This is due to her feet being so tender, and we all know the solution for that. She does go outside barefoot regularly, but doesn’t shop barefoot, or try to toughen up her soles. She did go barefoot with me in some of the places while we were in Florida, maybe because it seemed a bit more appropriate there. She still had problems with pavement, and shells on the beach.
With that being said, I am very happily married, and think we have a wonderful relationship. Is it perfect? No. Would it be perfect if she was a barefooter like me? Probably not. In my personal experience, I prefer someone whom I can live with on a daily basis, who tolerates my need to be barefoot, and be able to call that person my best friend. Is that what I have? Absolutely!! We do have disagreements occasionally, but never about me wearing shoes. She knows that is important to me, and that I enjoy it, and it harms no one. So if she was barefoot with me 100% of the time, we would still have the same disagreements on occasions. But we always manage to compromise, or talk through our issues when they arise. I never tell her what she should, or should not wear, it’s totally up to her if she wants to wear shoes, or not. She does allow her daughter to go barefoot whenever she likes, sadly, her daughter likes shoes a lot!
I have had relationships with women in the past who loved to go barefoot. It was easy in the 1980’s, and early 90’s, lot’s more people went barefoot then. Most of my girlfriends at that time did go barefoot often. I met a very special person and she moved in with me a couple of months after we met.
She loved to go barefoot, rarely wore shoes, and even enjoyed getting her feet dirty. She was the perfect match for me…..almost. She had different educational, career, and life goals, she also had very bad spending habits. She didn’t share my views on many things, and hated my hobbies. She tried to change many things about me, but she would go anywhere with me without shoes. She even encouraged me to go barefoot into places where I had never gone before, such as government offices, banks, doctors, car dealers, etc. Needless to say, the relationship didn’t last, and after 6 months together, we parted ways. We had a wonderful time together, but a horrible time together as well. We argued constantly, and could never agree on very much, except that we would be going out without shoes, but where? Well that was another argument….
A few years later I went out with a beautiful woman who I adored. I was shocked that she actually went out with me. On our first date (I did wear shoes…big mistake) while driving, I missed a turn, and had to turn around in a store parking lot. As I turned the car around, I spotted a barefoot guy walking into the store. She spotted him as well and said “Look, that guy is barefoot, that is disgusting!” All of a sudden she was no longer beautiful to me, our date was horrible, and I was anxious to take her back to her home. We never spoke again after that.
So if I were to give any relationship advise, it would be to go after what you want. If barefooting is important in a mate, then pursue that. If tolerance is important, again, seek that. For all of us, compromise is necessary when in a relationship. There are things I am able to compromise, and things, such as going barefoot, that I cannot. Many of us have spouses who are not barefooters, but they support us. Some of us have a husband or wife who participates in barefooting. I think we are both lucky. Having someone whom you can depend on, care about, and look forward to seeing every day, and you call them your best friend is a wonderful experience. If they love barefooting, great! If they don’t, but support you, and you are happy, great as well!
Finding that perfect person is frustrating, depressing, and fun all at the same time. Finding that perfect person is almost impossible. I stated earlier that I had found the perfect person…almost. I have come to the conclusion that no one is perfect, but to quote that old country song, she’s close enough to perfect, for me.